Turn off that Cognitive Radio
August 5, 2012 9 Comments
I am intrigued by the silence of coaches when in a conversation with their client. Recently, I was working with an intern and experienced the long pause followed by a ummh, aah, long breaths & none words on the other side of the phone. I realized that coach was stuck in the moment and just couldn’t think out of the situation. This is not strange. Do you as a coach experience the same?
My experience with the interns has been repetitive. I realize that the interns are stuck, they are perhaps caught in the subjective experience of their client, perhaps they are thinking for their client, or perhaps their clutter or toleration’s are impacting their presence with their client in the here and now.
Reversing the domino:
– Practice clearing the space by centering
– Prepare – choose your best seat, & sitting position. Minimize distractions
– Be objective – tell yourself it is the client’s agenda not yours
– Ask focused questions – prepare in advance, it might come handy in a conversation.
– Listen attentively and not selectively
– Be intuitive
– Give feedback, if required ( mirroring back helps the client see / hear their thoughts & context in others voice)
– Allow the client to do the thinking (it’s your client’s agenda not yours)
It is my conclusion that coach interns & coaches get stuck in conversations as a result of their ‘Cognitive radio’. The radio is constantly talking to them or engaging them to think on behalf of the client, it is asking them questions about solutions for their clients or perhaps making them empathize with the client to the extent that the roles are forgotten. It is about time the coach learnt to turn off the cognitive radio.
As a coach focus on the solutions, ask the clients to explore solutions either individually or jointly with you through a process of brainstorming. It is when you ask your clients about Problems that they start pouring too much of information, which sucks you like quick sand. Problem focus tends to drain ENERGY, while Solution focus tends to EMPOWER.
Reverse the domino by turning off that cognitive radio.
Happy Coaching.
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Love the idea of turning off the cognitive radio! Easier said than done but a great goal. I find that if I focus on the feelings instead of the story it keeps me on track. Great post, Sai!
Thanks Laurie. I believe, as long as the coach is objective and works with the client’s agenda the radio would remain muted; else it will surely turn on loud affecting the progress.
Rgds – Sai
Like the post Sai, in my training we all worked on achieving ‘ones ideal state’ for a coaching session. This could me some relaxation, meditation, grounding exercise or similar. I believe it is important to be honest with your client and if ‘ones cognitive radio’ is causing interference it is best to state that. The positive intention in that gremlin could be that it serves us to remember to turn it off and to refocus on the clients needs, not whats in the head of the coach.
Thanks Niall, appreciate your experience and comments.
You are absolutely right. The problem is of that Cognitive Radio. You have narrated very nicely.
I find that having the cognitive Radio on while in a coaching conversion is a natural part of evolution of coaching presence and being aware of the same by itself will result in the antenna getting weakened over a period of time. While the ideal goal is to have the antenna turned off, i believe the first stage is to become aware of it and then gradually move to a stage where we acknowledge its presence impacting our coaching presence and then move to a phase where we can turn it off..
Thank you Sir for your thought provoking article !
Regards,
S V Balaji
Thanks Balaji for sharing your wonderful insights. As you agree, the key to coaching is to be objective and focus on the solutions rather than the problems. A problem focus tends to impair whilst a solutions focus is more empowering and engaging deeply.
in some point i disagree with you, but still your words seem very coherent to me.
Ps expand your thoughts for my understanding.