Turn off that Cognitive Radio

I am intrigued by the silence of coaches when in a conversation with their client. Recently, I was working with an intern and experienced the long pause followed by a ummh, aah, long breaths & none words on the other side of the phone. I realized that coach was stuck in the  moment and just couldn’t think out of the situation. This is not strange. Do you as a coach experience the same?

My experience with the interns has been repetitive. I realize that the interns are stuck, they are perhaps caught in the subjective experience of their client, perhaps they are thinking for their client, or perhaps their clutter or toleration’s are impacting  their presence with their client in the here and now.

Reversing the domino:

– Practice clearing the space by centering

– Prepare – choose your best seat, & sitting position. Minimize distractions

–  Be objective – tell yourself it is the client’s agenda not yours

–  Ask focused questions – prepare in advance, it might come handy in a conversation.

–  Listen attentively and not selectively

–  Be intuitive

–  Give feedback, if required ( mirroring back helps the client see / hear their thoughts & context in others voice)

–  Allow the client to do the thinking (it’s your client’s agenda not yours)

It is my conclusion that coach interns & coaches get stuck in conversations as a result of their ‘Cognitive radio’. The radio is constantly talking to them or engaging them to think on behalf of the client, it is asking them questions about solutions for their clients or perhaps making them empathize  with the client to the extent that the roles are forgotten. It is about time the coach learnt to turn off the cognitive radio.

As a coach focus on the solutions, ask the clients to explore solutions either individually or jointly with you through a process of brainstorming. It is when you ask your clients about Problems that they start pouring too much of information, which sucks you like quick sand. Problem focus tends to drain ENERGY, while Solution focus tends to EMPOWER.

Reverse the domino by turning off that cognitive radio.

Happy Coaching.

Not all want to be Coached!

Ever wondered why people resist coaching?

Given the access to text books, google and other variety of encyclopedias people know that  coaching is a dyadic relationship between the client and the coach, wherein the coach facilitates and act as a catalyst to help the client to;

• establish newer alternatives to the situation in order to progress from ‘as is’ to  ‘to be’ state
• accelerate performance to accomplish greater productivity
• live purposefully
• become self & role aware, & so on

Great, this awareness makes the job of coach a lot more easier because the client knows what to expect from the coach.

Despite that there is resistance to coaching, why? I decided to explore further to establish the reasons for the resistance.

Background: my coaching practice predominantly comprises of clients who are sponsored by the corporate organizations. Okay, so what? The fact that my coaching clients are corporate sponsored executives, means that

• Most often the client is unsure of what the process is all about?
• How did this intervention emerge as a need? What are the benefits?
• Will the coach share information about me with my company / boss?
• Will the coach be another manager to contend with?
• Will the coach help me or will he be another barrier in my path?, etc

The information shared above were called out of my data base, when I was hired as a coach.

My approach: I have always made it a point to ask to be interviewed by the potential client, so that both of us get an understanding of each others expectations. Most often this session is facilitated by the client’s manager or the workforce ‘Development Head’. In this session the client asks questions such as;

1. What is coaching?
2. What will you coach me on?
3. Who have you coached before?
4. How does the session work?
5. What do I do if I don’t find practical value of what you do with me?
6. What will you teach me?
7. How do I measure the outcome?
8. How many sessions?
9. What is the duration?
10. My work session is so tight that I don’t find time, how do I attend the calls or schedule a meeting with you?

the above are only a representative list of questions, I am told coaches have found a lot more intriguing questions. Someone once asked the coach to coach his boss, as his boss was the impediment. On another occasion a client asked the coach to find him a suitable job opening.

I was amazed at these experiences as these are a marked deviation from the coaching contract. Remember the definition of coaching is, it is a dyadic relationship between the client and the coach, wherein the coach helps the client establish and action appropriate alternatives that are valuable to the client, besides the client feeling empowered and motivated. In other words, coaching is a process that leads to change.

What is Change?

Change in my view is a process which leads to becoming different. Or it is a process of transformation wherein the present form is an outcome of transformation of the past. This transformation process is change. Coaching involves change. The client presents his problem statement or story, to the coach. The coach in turn asks the client for the desired state. The client establishes this desired outcome as part of the pre-coaching conversation planning. The coach in turn asks the client to establish suitable alternatives which would help transform the present form into the desired form. Once the client establishes, the coach in turn inquires into the clients capacity to go about the process / task, what awareness the client has and what resources are required – intellectual, human, material, equipment, time, cost, etc. This is a very crucial moment in the coaching conversation. The client experiences vulnerability and therefore loss of perceived control of the situation. In various studies on human behavior to change, Falcon T Napier stumbled upon humongous data. After reviewing many literature’s, he concluded that ‘Human beings are not resistant to change, but they resist loosing control!’.

In coaching conversations, the client’s vulnerability is exposed. This vulnerability indicates the failing facade of the client, which makes it tough for them. The child in the adult is now exposed, with the client standing bare. The control is moved out and the client feels helpless. This feeling is painful for the client, which therefore makes client refuse coaching.

There could be other possible reasons for clients refusal to be coached or client not showing up for the call or the client acting busy. Few years back, one of my client organization decided to coach its senior managers. The process was started and dropped mid way, after it was established there was growing dissonance amongst the managers. Before the process was dropped, it was noticed that managers would commit and not show up, or got busy into adhoc meetings on the appointed day. Adhoc meetings were important fire fighting meetings where in tough decisions had to be made in order to sustain business interests. Coach had to wait or decided to reconvene the conversation to another. The clients were apologetic, but the coaches were frustrated after waiting for hours together. A survey was initiated and interesting insights emerged. The findings ranged from;

1. In the changing business times, we had to prioritize between present Vs future.
2. Coaching can wait, customer can’t.
3. I am happy being myself, I don’t see the reason to change. ( it turned that the coach had asked the clients to develop their resume keeping in mind their future).
4. The coaching conversation did not conclude in the planned time, whilst the coach’s view was that people did not prepare for the conversation and hence they had to re-contract and provide feedback on each instant.
5. The coach does not know about my nature of  business, and hence he is not able to add value to me.
6. I have to educate the coach about my business before I get coached, this is waste of my productive time.

Those again, were some representative list of information shared above.

Why do clients not want to be coached?

Clients are not resistant to coaching, but they are resistant to being vulnerable. The process of coaching facilitates the client to take a sneak peek into self in relation to the role they play. The process of establishing the gap between self and role is painful for some, whilst it is a pleasurable moment for others. The fundamental difference is that the ones who are feeling empowered are consciously aware of self & role. They take pride in working on their strengths such that they have little time to set sight on their vulnerabilities. They have mastered the art of collaborating with the constituents of the environment, and leverage on others strengths which complement them in their walks of life. They whole heartedly seek coaching to move on their successful life and career path, whilst the others dread to take that path.

Blame it on attitude, blame on lack of awareness, blame the coach spare the client and whatsoever. The fact is people are not resistant to change, but they resist loosing control.

As a coach, Contract better. Tell your clients what to expect, prepare your clients to overcome limiting self belief’s, help them transform into empowered individuals.

Creating Powerful Questions

I got a call from a member of the mailing group after posting the note. He wanted to know, what it takes to be able to prepare powerful questions.

Okay, here we go.

In order to ask powerful questions, one needs to ensure the following

1. Listen actively, practice L5 listening. Do not judge the person, don’t let barriers to develop between you and the coached.

2. Be fully present with the client.

3. Observe the client (if in person), else listen intently for tonal cues.

4. If the client has gone a long monologue, summarize your understanding.

5. Pick one point from the client’s statements and ask – what it takes to achieve…….., what makes it so important ………, frame a what question

So the secret to framing powerful questions is

LIsten, LISten, LISTen, LISTEn, LISTEN…….., ensure you are fully present, clear the space before hand by eliminating any possible barriers

1. be it physical,
2. be it psychological,
3. be is semantic

Be Fully PRESENT, that’s what is going to help you ask powerful questions.

Good luck and happy practicing.

Rgds – Sai

Creating Powerful Questions

I had earlier written a quick post on powerful questioning and its purpose. As promised I am back with some examples and how one could frame powerful questions.

Do you recall the 3 attributes of powerful questioning? Well here they are;

1. The question assumes that there is an answer to the problem
2. The question provokes thought to begin to create answers or solutions
3. The question digs below the surface, and thereby invites a more encompassing solution

I am going to articulate some examples, though the questions are not all inclusive but I believe they would give you a direction to frame powerful questions.

1. During one of my recent executive coaching assignment, my coachee came up with a problem; as a consequence to the feedback which he had received from his boss

Coachee’s Statement

Powerful Questions

‘I have recently joined the company. I find a lot of difference in workforces approach to work here as opposed to my previous organization. I have to constantly remind them to be goal focused, despite that work is never completed on time and I often find myself having to remind. This has been observed by manager, and he tells me to go easy with people for he feels I am being to tight and task oriented. This whole thing about tolerating bad performance and me being seen as a bad manager is frustrating. I feel pointless in having made a choice to quit my previous job.’

What could you be doing to feel settled at work? What could you be doing to get your workforce realize the importance of timely delivery? What is it going to take for you to demonstrate your superior managerial abilities to your boss?

2. In another case, a coachee remarked that his manager feels he is very authoritative & aggressive with his people.

Coachee’s Statement	Powerful Questions
‘Look, I have been in the industry for the last 18 years. I have not had a single instance when people felt threatened in my presence. I have always had cordial relationships with my team and its interfaces, yet my manager has given this feedback of me being aggressive and authoritative with people. I am worried that this would be recorded as a critical incidence in my appraisal.’	What critical incidence are you talking about? What could it take for you to demonstrate that you are good at working with people? What would it take for you to reverse your manager’s opinion about your people orientation?

1. In another instant, a coachee once remarked that his company had hired a new co-manager. He was afraid of the competition as a result of the new hire.

Coachee’s Statement	Powerful Questions
‘I have always been successful, however during the recent past we had a new joinee as my peer. My boss in the new hires inauguration remarked that he really looked forward to the new hire growing with the company and possibly heading the department one day. I now feel used and dejected’.	What does it take to become the head of the department? Where would you rate your abilities to become the department head? What does it take for you to stake your claim to be the department head?

More often people get drawn into a complaining trip. They are busy contemplating how bad the situation is and how difficult are their problems. Unfortunately, they never progress to sorting out things. The focus of a coach is to move people from where they are to a place whey can determine definite solutions to their current dilemma and act on them. This process is accomplished through ‘Powerful Questions’. I suppose this is a natural part of the coaching task, which can be of great value to the individual being coached.

Happy powerful questioning.

Rgds and best wishes – Sai

I got a call from a member of the mailing group after posting the note. He wanted to know, what it takes to be able to prepare powerful questions.

Okay, here we go.

In order to ask powerful questions, one needs to ensure the following

1. Listen actively, practice L5 listening. Do not judge the person, don’t let barriers to develop between you and the coached.

2. Be fully present with the client.

3. Observe the client (if in person), else listen intently for tonal cues.

4. If the client has gone a long monologue, summarize your understanding.

5. Pick one point from the client’s statements and ask – what it takes to achieve…….., what makes it so important ………, frame a what question

So the secret to framing powerful questions is

LIsten, LISten, LISTen, LISTEn, LISTEN…….., ensure you are fully present, clear the space before hand by eliminating any possible barriers

1. be it physical,
2. be it psychological,
3. be is semantic

Be Fully PRESENT, that’s what is going to help you ask powerful questions.

Good luck and happy practicing.

Joining the ‘Reciprocal Coaching Clinic’ on 18th Sept 2010, register now by mailing C4E – coach4excel@gmail.com

Rgds – Sai

Powerful Questioning

Earlier, I had defined coaching as a conversation between the coach & the coachee. The conversation center’s around the coachee’s agenda. The key aim of the coach is to ensure that the coachee leaves with a solution to his problem or has had an ‘aha’ experience as a result of the conversation with the coach.

Most often during a feedback session as a result of the coaching simulations, there are statements which are made w r t ‘the powerful questions’, the coaching comrades make statements such as;

1. The questions were not powerful enough
2. You could have made the questions more powerful
3. I sensed a lot of powerful questioning, and so on

This obviously stems form the realization that ‘Questioning’ is one of the fundamental skill around which the entire coaching process hinges upon and so do the outcomes of the coaching process.

Agreed, asking questions is a fundamental skill. However, my quest was to establish and differentiate questions and powerful questions. Thus began my literature research and my rumination into behavioral event interview; ‘A situation where the interviewer paints a work situation or asks the interviewee to define a task carried out by them, how the person in question identified solutions to a work related problem and went about implementing them to effectiveness, how did it feel to have accomplished the results, etc?’. The interview remains an intent listener observing the behavior, the voice inflection, etc to establish the positive & negative behavior which could be replicated for success at work or which might possibly hinder task accomplishment if the person was hired. Essentially this is a process of confirmation. The key skill in this method of interviewing is ‘Questioning, whole system Listening (I call it this way because you are listening with all your sensory organs).’

In my journey to differentiate questions as – information seeking ones from Powerful ones, I chose to review the ‘The Coaching Manual’ by Julie Starr, as this was readily available. I must confess that Julie Starr has communicated mostly in simple understandable English. Let me illustrate both the questions in form of a conversation below; we will pick up  the conversation from a point after the initial ice breaking

Coach: So ‘x’, what would you like to be coached on today?

Coachee: I have established a set of goals which I would like to accomplish during these coaching conversations with you. However today I want to focus on my career enhancement.

Coach: Well, could you  be more specific? What do you intend in achieving?

Coachee: I am now a regional manager, I want to become head of a zone, where I will have control over 3 regions and get to closely work and supervise the efforts of 3 regional managers and their teams.

Coach: So you intend to become a Zonal Manager?

Coachee: Yes! I want to be a Zonal Manager. I have the experience and the service.

Coach: By when do you want to become a Zonal Manager?

Coachee: I want to accomplish this position by the end of this business year.

Coach: Good. Could you help me understand the job of the zonal manager?

Coachee: Yes. The job the zonal manager involves controlling the efforts of 3 regional managers and 18 business development executives. Besides that, the geographies are large and you get to meet a variety of people and distributors. However the responsibility of the zonal manager is higher, as he is responsible for the entire zone’s revenue, market share & profitability targets.

Coach: How important is this goal for you?

Coachee: Extremely important. I would say this is my top most personal agenda.

Coach: On a scale of ten, where would you rate your abilities to meet this goal?

Coachee: 6.

Coach: What is 7?

Coachee: It would be a person who has the ability to motivate not only his own workforce but also the business partners to direct their efforts to bring in addition shares of business.

Coach: What do you see yourself missing out on?

Coachee: I am not too good on mobilizing the business partners, I will have to start work on that.

Coach: I acknowledge your thoughts. In addition to transacting with & leveraging through business partners, what other abilities are required to be the zonal manager.

Coachee: Ability to mobilize, motivate managers to engage with their workforce and produce more business, ability to sell upwards the ideas from the field to get endorsements from the management is important.

Coach: There are 3 things which you said are of importance to you 1. Get endorsements from the top management, 2. Mobilize and gain endorsements as well as support form the business partners, & 3. Motivate managers to engage their workforce for results. Now tell me what would you like to work with first?

Coachee: I would like to start with Managers first?

Coach: Sure, so how would you gain support from the mangers for increased productivity?

Coachee: I will involve my managers in the goals establishment stage and draw up a plan for business for their respective region. This way I will have the ownership of the business with them.

Coach: Good, what would you do to involve your managers?

Coachee: As I had mentioned, I will start with the goals – the managers will need to come up with the SWOT, Competition data, Market data, Sales Data, etc. We will sit together to identify the market potential Vs our market share and what initiatives we had taken in the past that helped and what did not and so on?

Coach: Good. How can you make sure that your managers are involved?

Coachee: I ………

Reflect on the conversation above, look at the series of questions? Do you see any differences? Some questions were asked to gain insight or information, whilst towards the end the question focused on specifics and development of solutions which the coachee will need to implement in his day to day work. Now, these are the questions which make a difference to the coachee. These questions compel the coachee to bring out or thing through and present solutions to his problem. Thus these questions can be termed as powerful questions.

For a question to be termed powerful it should have the following attributes;

1. The question assumes that there is an answer to the problem
2. The question provokes thought to begin to create answers or solutions
3. The question digs below the surface, and thereby invites a more encompassing solution

To sum up, powerful questions are those which entails the individual being coached to reflect, articulate thoughts which can be converted actions leading to results.

Do a small exercise;

Step 1: Think about 3 problem statements

Suggestion: write down 3 problems that you think you have. Choose things that are moderately important. Under each statement leave some space. Problem Eg: I am too busy to find time to exercise.

Step 2: Let us change the problem statement into powerful questions

Under each statement think of a powerful question you could ask?

Powerful Question Eg: ‘How could I create time from my busy schedule to exercise?’

Check if your framed questions meet the 3 attributes of the powerful questioning?

Step 3: List out powerful questions to your problem listed on the right hand side with the problem state on the left hand side of the paper. See what kinds of answers your questions can provoke? Check once again, if your questions are stimulating a thinking process, check if your products of the thought process are congruent to the problems statements, check if acting on the solutions obtained will yield the desired results?

I shall soon publish a set of problem statements to give you a practice exercise for developing ‘Powerful Questions’ to be used by you. We could also target this as part of our coaching clinic tele seminar in the coming month.

Rgds n best wishes – Sai